Hello. Sorry about this post. I haven’t been feeling great lately.
But today I’m going to Tunisia! I’ll be gone for a week or so.
Hopefully it will be great. I need a vacation. I don’t know if I
will have access to internet while I’m there (probably not) so
I won’t be updating my blog. But I’ll tell you all about it when
I get home! And also, I have a suiting soundtrack for my trip:

Douster – King of Africa

Brb – going to Africa!

Ok so… I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m a demon. A demon of destruction. Everything I touch dies. I just want to hide from the world. Maybe I’ll go back to that place between sleep and death. I can’t breathe here anyway. I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY. how do you run from your own shadow..? it always catches up with you sooner or later…

It feels like I’m made of hate. Pure hate. I hate people. I hate the buss driver who shut the door in my face, and I hate people laughing at me in the street. I hate kids who kick their classmates when they’re on the ground, I hate people who break your dreams, and I hate rapists lurking in the shadows. And I hate guys who rape their friends on an open street in bright daylight, and I hate girls who rape their own souls everyday with scissors and knives. I hate those who teach kids to use guns and kill their classmates. But most of all I hate myself. The invisible scars are long gone, but it’s hurting like crazy and I just want to peel my whole skin off because it’s so fake I don’t even know if it’s mine anymore.

I got a new haircut by the way. and I look ridiculous.. I hate being ugly. ‘Cause I really don’t got much personality. I’m a terrible person. If I had good looks, it wouldn’t matter that much. Perhaps it could even make me stop whining? who knows..

PEPPIGT INLÄGG DET BLEV NU DÅ.

once there was a girl who told people that she was not terrible.
But who am I kidding?

I’m tired. I want to go back to that place between sleep and dead.
You can’t save me. I don’t want to be saved. But when you lie
there next to me on the sofa, almost awake, almost asleep,
there is no other place in the world I’d rather be.
You’re my best friend and I could never leave you.

“So here’s my heart, and here’s my mouth
And I can’t help if things come out’
Cause there are words I want to shout
But maybe I’ll stay low”

Okay, so, I decided not to go to Malmö this fall after all. I still feel like going somewhere, but I don’t think I’m ready yet. It just occured to me that, if I go away to a place where I don’t know anyone and nobody knows me, sure it would be a new start and all that and it would probably be a great experience, but… if something were to happen, something bad, then I would have to go through that all alone. And I don’t know if I could do that. And that scares me. I hate being scared. I don’t want to, but I’m just too weak to not be scared. I don’t want to hide in my room all day, but I’m too afraid to go outside. Sometimes I hate being a little girl… I hate not being able to defend myself… I’m pathetic.
Jag ligger kvar här, så blir nog allting bra…

Oh well enough complaining. Sorry about that. I thought I’d upload
some pictures from my trip to Japan earlier this year. I miss it so much!

(Sorry Linnea if you’re reading this, I stole your pictures 8)

I know that you’re never gonna’ be just a face in the crowd.. (Never stop looking at me)
I saw a movie on TV yesterday. and I swear to god it felt like I was watching my life on repeat.
and it also felt like I got a sneakpeak of what is to come. but I’m not sure witch part I played.
It made me feel sick. I don’t really know why.
If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking

I think I lack some emotions.. most of the time it feels like someone has put a filter or
something on my emotions. or just lowered the opacity. it al feels so blurry. Usually
I lack emotions like sympathy and empathy. I understands these feelings very well,
but I can’t feel them. It disturbs me. I can still feel guilt though.
But it doesn’t help. it just makes me feel like the worst person in the world.
was I always this messed up..?

Doh, now I did it again. filling my blog with stupid thoughts. Anyway,

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”